who am i?

Who am I? This is a very peculiar question that demands uninhibited and utmost honest response. I have been trying to reflect this myself. How can I define my very self without being self-conscious, self-centered, egotistical, and vain? I had never anticipated that such process could be perplexing, although it sound easy and simple as it may seem. Trying to analyze my very existence and recognizing my own identity is undeniably difficult, stimulating and thought-provoking. I totally felt so compelled to give a glimpse of the true me.

As far as my knowledge is concerned, I am conceived and born unique. I am me, myself and I. There is no one else like me, only one of its kind. I have my own individuality and personality. I have my own mind, feelings, needs and dreams. Apart from my physical features, characteristics, mental attributes, and social standpoint, I am molded, reared and taught with a distinct tradition, culture, beliefs and values.

I am a person who values trust, unconditional love and a steadfast relationship. I am just but like any other individual who seeks self-worth, respect and little appreciation. I am not perfect, but had learned to accept my inadequacies, faults and shortcomings, and always strive to work everything to the best of my ability. I try to aim at higher aspirations in life as mediocrity seems to lack its creativeness and challenges that I constantly crave. I seem to know too much about everything and nothing. And no matter how much knowledge and experiences I acquire, the more insignificant I become.

As I seek and ponder more on the subject, couple of questions also came to my mind -- Where I came from? Why I exist? It is written in the Holy Bible that our Almighty Creator brought everything into existence from nothing by His Holy Word. Thus, I simply exist because of Him and survive through Him. And that God knows and loves me even before I was born as He has an ultimate and unique plan for me, just designed and carved specifically for my name.

It is so amazing that He knows exactly how many number of hairs I have, what I have gone through, which way I have taken on and what destiny lies ahead of me. He knows how far I can get, how strong and weak I can be. He knows exactly what my pains, struggles, and fears were consist of, and knows too well how to comfort, heal, sustain and strengthen me. I know for sure, that God loves me for who I am and He wants me to live a life that is pleasing to His eyes and a life that is fulfilling to His glory.

I am created in His own image, blessed with traits, qualities and gifts so that I can be a blessing to others. I am aware that I have a free will to choose from between good and evil, and carries with me a discerning wisdom to guide me in overcoming troubles, temptations and tribulations. I enjoy a life to the fullest through His abundance and grace, and at difficult times when things go wrong and start to fall apart, I just learn to let go and let God pick up the pieces for me. I draw inner strength and peace from Him alone. I can't imagine living in this dying world without God's guidance.

I can also be perceived possessing the characteristics of being sensitive, sympathetic, supportive and appreciative. Family and friends see me as an outspoken, determined, and sensible woman, mother and wife - roles are not enumerated in order, or for that matter. I am capable and apt of becoming fixed on my own thoughts and emotions.

I am confident and assertive but also tend to show lack of self-esteem and sense of worth in some areas. I am generally reliable, consistent, and occasionally prudent when it is necessary. I have a great capacity for a genuine friendship and can develop and nurture deep and meaningful relationship. I am reasonably articulate, almost perfectionist yet, deep within, constantly feels insecure and shy.

Every so often, I can be exasperatingly cautious, skeptical and overly analytic over nothing of importance. But on the positive side, I am absolutely even tempered, motivating, modest and slow to anger, disliking quarreling and ill-feeling. But if provoked, however, I can also burst into a frustration.

I have learned great lessons in life and still learning from my own experiences, challenges, mistakes and misgivings that I have encountered day after day. I have met different and fascinating people from all walks of life, and I have dealt with couple of most difficult situations in the process, but I had never been distracted nor involved in any emotional entanglements. Though I constantly thrive to pursue happiness, fulfillment and success in life, I am far more comfortable to live a simple and healthy kind of life.

I also consider myself as a keen witted-learner, always insatiable for a heap of informative knowledge. I read a plethora of books as I like to read every single bit of information. I have this constant thirst for far more genuine and revealing piece of art. It is my passion to discover, to explore, to understand, to gain knowledge of, to be taught of and to learn and to unravel things for constant continuous learning.

Though I may be old-fashioned in values, classic in interests and romantic as I am, however, I am a gentle, doting and disciplinarian mother of two, a fulfilled, dedicated and committed wife, a woman of strong spiritual faith and most of all a genuine friend who is a fun loving, open, warm, and takes comfort in a cozy conversation with my husband. I indulge and enjoy at the company of my children. I take pride and joy at the art works of my son and poetry of my daughter. I am grateful for my husband's hard work and dedications. I find happiness when the sun shines. I am thankful for all people that give joy into my life.

I am capable of writing on and on about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, but I can never truly define, describe and recognize my own inner self. And with all honesty, I simply cannot draw a narrow conclusion as to who really I am as I am still continuously searching for the very essence of my existence. Taking all into consideration, I believe my identity is still in the process as per God's plan and will for me. There are numerous things in life that can define me but I would like to be defined by the most important people in my life.

My real identity, worth and significance, certainly conclude that-- I become the person I am only because of who I live for, who I live with, and how I live by.

But then again, who am i?