There is no greater privilege in living than bringing a tiny new human being into the world and then trying to raise him or her properly during the next 18 years or so. Doing that job right requires all the intelligence, wisdom and determination you will be able to muster from day to day.
Everyone has an image of and some basic assumptions about what a mother is. We have all experienced of being mothered in some form or another and we have complex feelings about that experience. What becomes clear now is the extent to which a mother and a daughter/son relationship is focal from the day the baby is conceived in her mother’s womb to the early days of mothering. Mothering is such a joy to almost all women, but what is also missing in the understanding of mothering is there is also an extent of how painful sometimes it can be and how exhausting, and often a thankless, occupation. In the world of media, art or literature, and other fantasy world, we are exposed as “happy mothers” or sometimes "super moms". We reared with the idea of children fulfilling our dreams and yet with little idea of how that should come about.
When I try to examine this ancient biblical ideal of a motherhood, we do not find the stereotyped mother or a housewife occupied with dirty dishes and laundry, her daily life dictated by the demands of her husband and her children. Nor do we find a hardened, overly ambitious career woman who leaves her family to fend for itself.
Mothers are also classified as “good mothers’ “bad mothers” or “good enough” mothers. Universally, all mothers are determined to assert to be “the best mother” of all times. We mothers try to explore in every fantasy and reality of it all. And at times, we fail. But you know, it is in the failing that we succeed and in the badness that we “transcend” into “good enough” and make “great mothers”.
As a mother, I have learned a lot of things. I have learned to deal with temporary frustrations and abundant joys of motherhood. I can recount how I am transformed from having second thoughts of motherhood to embracing it, and I’ve learned how to love my children more than ever by accepting God’s unconditional love for me.
Everyone has an image of and some basic assumptions about what a mother is. We have all experienced of being mothered in some form or another and we have complex feelings about that experience. What becomes clear now is the extent to which a mother and a daughter/son relationship is focal from the day the baby is conceived in her mother’s womb to the early days of mothering. Mothering is such a joy to almost all women, but what is also missing in the understanding of mothering is there is also an extent of how painful sometimes it can be and how exhausting, and often a thankless, occupation. In the world of media, art or literature, and other fantasy world, we are exposed as “happy mothers” or sometimes "super moms". We reared with the idea of children fulfilling our dreams and yet with little idea of how that should come about.
When I try to examine this ancient biblical ideal of a motherhood, we do not find the stereotyped mother or a housewife occupied with dirty dishes and laundry, her daily life dictated by the demands of her husband and her children. Nor do we find a hardened, overly ambitious career woman who leaves her family to fend for itself.
What I find is a strong, dignified, multitalented, caring woman who is an individual in her own right. She is her children’s mother, her husband’s partner, and she is completely trusted with the responsibilities to nurture, protect, care and to bathe her children with the greatest love and attention.
I believe that a mother is special human being, a very pure and deserving entity who disciplines a child by her virtues, values and emotions. But in the eyes and level of understanding of youngsters, a mother is just a mom, guilty of doing mom things – setting out restrictions and house rules, and making demands, and sometimes preventing children from making certain turns, life turns.
Mothers are also classified as “good mothers’ “bad mothers” or “good enough” mothers. Universally, all mothers are determined to assert to be “the best mother” of all times. We mothers try to explore in every fantasy and reality of it all. And at times, we fail. But you know, it is in the failing that we succeed and in the badness that we “transcend” into “good enough” and make “great mothers”.
As a mother, I have learned a lot of things. I have learned to deal with temporary frustrations and abundant joys of motherhood. I can recount how I am transformed from having second thoughts of motherhood to embracing it, and I’ve learned how to love my children more than ever by accepting God’s unconditional love for me.
My son Andrew is 11 years old and my daughter Ashley is 9 years old, pretty much, they are now in their pre-teens and sooner or later I will be facing much bigger challenges in raising teenagers. Don’t get me wrong, Andrew and Ashley are both very delightful and lovable. They are both equally competitive hardworking and exceptionally good and made me a proud mother. But as they are growing and developing in sizes, heights and all, their level of thinking and behavior changes and matures too. This transition is what worries me a bit. I am having trouble giving away a dash of freedom to them even in choosing what kind of hair cut or hair style they want to have. I am used to the idea that I run the show most of the time and they are just the actors who always have to follow orders from the director, to act out the script and expected to give their best performance. But it seems that this is not the case anymore. And so I have to consider to make some changes as well accordingly.
Being a mother has plenty of challenges and thousands and thousands of chores!!!! Pretty much you have to flip your hat from time to time from one role to another, one moment you are a director, next you are a chef and then you become a symphony orchestra conductor. And why is that so? Because it is a conductor’s role to synchronize the various instruments to produce a dynamic rhythm and a pleasant sounding music.
Here’s an overview of mothers’ functions: organizer, supervisor, adviser, counselor, teacher, overseer, nurse, tutor, cook, nanny, janitor, seamstress, caretaker, a ‘cool’ or perhaps a-not-so-cool-mom’, a friend, but here’s my favoriteone: a guardian angel. Here’s also the list of a mother’s specialized areas: homeworks, projects, researches, piano lessons, swimming lessons, drama club, spelling bee, sports fest, play day, birthday parties, dentist appointments, parent-teachers-conference, and a lot more, the list goes on and on… Couple of times I had moments and almost “losing it”. Most of the time I had given and given until I had nothing left to give. There are times I find myself frustrated, angry spirit was quickly replacing my "good mommy" attitude.
All moms experience moments when they feel unequal to the responsibility of motherhood and think: "I just can't do this"! "I don't have the strength and wisdom for raising this child". But you know what? In spite of it all, I am going to face all these mothering challenges for the next couple of decades, I am so determined to continue my role. It is a significant, and most rewarding role of a lifetime. It’s not easy but I don’t know what I would do without them either. They give me so much joy and meaning.
I think moms need to have the confidence and support they need to connect with their kids. I try to understand my kids’ temperaments and learn to value them more. I also learn to discover their learning style. I believe too that teaching them to pray plays a significant role. When they realize that talking to God is as natural as talking to their friends, they begin to enjoy prayer. I think listening to them and investing in the relationship is very much needed. To me, discovering and capturing my children’s amazing God’s given gifts and imagination is such a wonderful experience. It is almost like taking advantage of beauty’s nature in my own backyard.
And of course, the ultimate goal for mothers of faith is to give each child an understanding of Scripture and a lifelong passion for Jesus Christ. This is, I believe, the most important responsibility for those of us who have been entrusted with the care and nurturance of children. Every mother has dreams for their children. We know what is the best for them,but it is not for us to decide. It is God's plan. We are there to mold them as how God wants them to be. All we need to do is to trust God fully, give Him all our fears and worries. And never forget to pray and ask for His wisdom, guidance and protection.
That's what moms are meant to be. To all moms out there: Hats off to you! and Happy mother's day!
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