Today I decided to continue my writing pursuit {again}, I must admit it has been my “childhood dream” ever since I can recall. I guess, I am a dreamer, a great thinker, but not much of a writer...but seriously, it is my passion to express through writing what is going on in my cerebral spectrum. Why? Suppose it gives me the illusion that writing is almost my forte? Well, absolutely not! It's simply because it brings out the best in me and I have learned to love what I love to do. I don't know but for some reason, I think clearly, sensibly, sharply and way better when I do write. Obviously, I don't have a flair of a good and capable writer, in fact, one would pathetically and pitifully regard me as a struggling enthusiast.
I have always been amazed and impressed at how gifted writers easily demonstrate a very organic and natural way of putting brilliant ideas and stories together. It is almost effortless. Words were written in a very simple and yet unpredictable manner. Undemanding, yet, conveys a profound and powerful meaning. Easy, minimal and unfussy phrases. Blending perfectly together. Synchronized. Almost very soothing to one's reading pleasure.
I am totally intimidated because I don't have that extra-factor that I am talking about, not even a hint or a slightest potential on literally academic works or whatsoever. Unfortunately and doubtless to say, I only have the utmost passion and fondness in creative writing and literature.
I would be lucky enough if I can compose a draft of random paragraph with grammatically-error and hackneyed free phrases or sentences containing correct verb-tenses, conjunctions, and what-not in English grammar. Do I have a writing style? I don't know, probably none, does my writing has a readability good rate? perhaps,...do I have an enthusiast-potential? Maybe not...
But you know what? I am not stepping away from writing! I couldn't care less, because the things that motivate me to write are: - In writing, I can pretty much say the things I can't always say out loud, I can visit the places I can't possibly visit in reality, I can create and portray characters I would love to meet, I can jot down what I see and what I experience, I can record the most joyful and bleak moments of my life, things that makes me laugh and cry, what it feels like to be, lonely, happy and angry. I can write about all the beautiful and amazing creations God had created. I can write my unceasing prayers, praises and thanksgiving unto Him. I can actually write about almost everything under the sun...and most importantly, I can enjoy what I am writing about, and that's the fun part about it.
Ever since I can remember, as a child, I always kept tiny notebooks and mini-diaries, securely tucked in a shoe box and safely hidden away from my big, bully brothers and teasing older sisters. I used to write a line or two or more everyday in my journal. I scribbled here and there, some unfinished poems, a collection of prose, essays, or book reviews, descriptive and detailed accounts of a most high-lighted events in my adolescents and college life, inspired creative writing, theme writing, and even letters...
I used to dream of becoming a writer or a journalist someday, picturing myself on page of a most distinguished magazine, the most sought columnist who had written recognized articles....and I know what you are thinking, and I totally agree with you, it's a huge far-fetched dream that is unlikely to achieve. But you know what? If I had been given the slightest chance and opportunity, I would have pursued journalism, but life itself has its realities and adversaries, as I grew up in a struggling, not-so-privileged, humble and hardworking family, yet living with dignity where resources and means are very scarce and inadequate....
……Up until now, I have never really given up nor stopped chasing my childhood dream... the good thing is, I don't have to pursue the studies of journalism anymore, all I have to do is write a sentence or two or more when ideas, thoughts and emotions start to take over, that’s how it usually lead to a beautiful piece of art….
For me, writing really gives me a sense of spontaneity, serenity and fulfillment. It is also very liberating, settling, rewarding and re-assuring as if I am relating and confiding to someone I really know and trust…it’s almost like a prayer, you are connected with in a very comfortable way without being inhibited and judged. Writing makes me more assertive, it allows me to reveal an intense-feeling of overwhelming undertakings and inner strength...it motivates me to thoughtlessly get out of my comfort zone. It also reminds me of who I am, who I was and where I came from and where I wanted to be...thus it always brings me back to my roots, pushes me to press on and continue my life's journey and get on with my dream.
I also write because I would to like to affect other people's lives, or at least give a considerable enlightenment over prevailing thoughts or possibly bring a sense of comfort and humor, or perhaps, share a chuckle here and there, even set a good mood to a person who's having a miserable day.
Truth is, if one would view it in another perspective, writing is indeed a very therapeutic way of connecting with yourself and other people and at the same time it gives the benefit of relaxing one's mind, body and soul as it helps you figure out the things about yourself in the process.
I don’t anticipate that what I had written will make sense at some point or another. I am quiet aware too that no one would really take my writings seriously. Who would care to pay a slightest attention to my non-sense scribbles, tedious squiggles and boring scrawls? I don't really mind at all, because one thing I am very sure of, at the back of my mind and deep in my heart, I have the greatest fans ever, of course - my wonderful husband, amazing children and my dear siblings. They inspire me and believe in me. They enjoy reading whatever I have scribbled and unpretentiously appreciate and respect my desire why I wanted to write all this time.
Maybe, one particular-special day, and God knows when, I will decide to write my life's story - a memoir perhaps, containing interesting accounts of my life's experiences, the great learned lessons in life, and the story of the people who had impacted, influenced and touched my life most and whom I had shared wonderful and memorable moments with.
